¿Esposa de pastor? ¡Por supuesto que no!

"We are such strange creatures that it is likely that

We hurt more with the blows that never fall on us,

than with those who really fall.

Translated from Needless Fears by Charles H. Spurgeon.

"Of course not!" That was my answer when someone asked me if I was hoping to marry a pastor, since my father was a pastor and my two sisters were married to servants of God active in ministry. I knew the implications that would bring and I was not willing to assume them, so my answer to that question was always no! resounding. Now I sadly recognize that my thinking was selfish. I thank God that he changed my heart completely and only by his grace, for three and a half years, I have been married to a man of God dedicated to full-time ministry. 

However, when we got married, several fears came into my life. She would be the wife of a man who had been pastoring a church for almost seven years. Therefore, I want to open my heart and share with you some of the fears that I faced at the beginning of my ministry life as a pastor's wife, and also tell you how those fears have disappeared as the word of God has advised my life.

Fear of church expectations

"Wanted: woman who works full time, without any pay, in the same office as her husband, long hours and who is understanding all the time."

It looks like an advertisement looking for a person to fill a job, right? But that is the reality of what many people expect from a pastor's wife. When I arrived at the church my husband pastors (which has now become my family in faith), several people approached me to say: "How good, now that our pastor is married and has his helpmeet, now "We will have someone who will direct the women's ministry, organize church events and visit the women who have stopped coming." They even asked me if I knew how to play the piano, since the wife of the previous missionary pastor did so and, because of the precedent, people expected the same of me. The truth is that I was in a new church that I was just getting to know and I didn't know specifically what I should do and what I shouldn't. 

So if you are a pastor's wife or are transitioning to becoming one, chances are you will go through situations similar to mine. Although fear is real, it does not have a biblical basis, since it seeks to satisfy the demands of people and not those of God. For this reason, the first thing you must do is determine whether those expectations are biblical or not.

Te animo a cumplir solamente el llamado de Dios para la mujer, comprendiendo que no respondemos a nadie más sino solo a nuestro Dios. «De modo que cada uno de nosotros dará a Dios cuenta de sí mismo» (Ro.14:12). Debemos estar conscientes que no todos estarán de acuerdo con nuestros planes; sin embargo, permíteme recordarte que es necesario agradar a Dios antes que a los hombres: «Y todo lo que hagáis, hacedlo de corazón, como para el Señor y no para los hombres» (Col. 3:23). 

Con todo esto, en mi primer año como esposa de pastor, mi esposo y yo decidimos que no estaría involucrada en actividades de la iglesia; es decir, solamente estaría como un miembro más congregándome mientras conocía mejor a la iglesia y la iglesia me conocía a mí. Esto fue algo bueno, aunque no tardaron en llegar comentarios como: «¿cuándo se va a involucrar más?». Mi respuesta siempre fue: «cuando mi esposo así lo considere necesario». De esta manera, pude vencer el temor sobre las expectativas de otras personas al entender mi rol de sujetarme como esposa a la autoridad impuesta por Dios. «Las mujeres estén sometidas a sus propios maridos como al Señor». Ef. 5:22.

Temor a las críticas

Por el hecho de haber crecido en una familia pastoral, sabía de antemano que siempre se espera que los hijos sean ejemplo en todo lo que hacen. Y ahora, como esposa de un pastor, esto se complicaba pues sabía que las expectativas serían más altas y, si no se cumplían, existía la posibilidad de ser criticada.

Sin embargo, recordar que soy pecadora y que mi pecado es uno de los factores importantes que infunden mis temores, me permitió comprender que en realidad lo que a Dios le interesa es mi relación personal con Él y que conozca la verdad, así como dice Juan 8:32: «y conoceréis la verdad, y la verdad os hará libres». Aunque es cierto que no podremos escapar de los momentos difíciles e incómodos en el ministerio, la verdad de la Palabra de Dios me hace libre para adorar al Creador y no temer al hombre, ni a las críticas.

Temor a no ser aceptada en el grupo de mujeres

Otro de los temores que tenía sobre ser esposa de pastor, y que de cierta manera me intimidaba, era si sería aceptada por las mujeres de esta nueva iglesia. Mi esposo pastoreó varios años como soltero y muchas de las hermanas eran mayores que yo; por eso, venían a mi mente preguntas como: ¿Qué voy a decir?, ¿cómo les voy a ayudar si necesitan consejería?, ¿y si doy un mal consejo?

Hence, I am encouraged to remember what Paul mentions as qualities in the character of women: " Let women likewise be honest, not slanderers, but sober, faithful in all things" 1 Tim. 3:11. As the wife of a man who is in the ministry we must be sure to model this kind of character, especially when he mentions being “ faithful in all things . ” The Scriptures say it, our calling is like that of any woman in the church: to be a godly woman, wife, mother and faithful member of the body of Christ. 

Now, in my second year in the church I began to join the women's group when we began studying the Bible together. One of the materials we used to reinforce our Bible study was the book True Woman 201 Interior Design “Ten Elements of Biblical Femininity . ” This was a resource that the Lord used in a very special way so that the sisters and I could study and learn the model of Titus 2, but he mainly taught me how we should teach each other. 

I will not deny that now as a pastor's wife I have faced many difficult situations that I would never have imagined before I got married, but God has been faithful and as His Word says: «No  temptation has overtaken you that is not common to men; And God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, so that you may be able to resist it ” ( 1 Cor. 10:13).

God has been so good that now I can tell you that the fears I initially had have disappeared, because He is the one who encourages my life with His presence and His Power. He has allowed me to see my insufficiency, my fear and unbelief. In this way, God reminds me to put my trust in Him and that I can rest assured that if He is calling me to do something, His grace will be effective in my life.